“This is
Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today…”
– David Bowie, ‘Space Oddity’
I had a very pious
aunt, Minati Roy Choudhury, mother’s elder sister. She had a generous heart and
a large house which had a small room dedicated entirely to her various gods and
gurus – what they call thakur ghar1.
Although
she never talked about all the trauma she lived through her young adulthood as
a wife and mother, I heard about them from numerous sources. Perhaps she could
not recall what they were.
She
had an unusual glow and infectious smile and seemed to remain unscathed by all
the scars life inflicted on her. She had a soft corner for me as I was one of
the few girls growing up in that household in Calcutta. Like so many others,
her family of ten brothers and sisters were forced out of Chittagong in erstwhile
East Bengal (now in Bangladesh). (She visited her hometown where she grew up
with her son, Nabarun, in later years).
There are many precious memories with BoroMashi2, but one particular event has left an indelible
impression on me.
When,
as a young wife and mother, BoroMashi was having to face unbearable
cruelties, when, as the legend goes, she had a dream.In this dream, an elderly
woman with grey hair and red-bordered sari gave her directions to a house in
Calcutta; meaning she was given an address and asked to visit. And so Mashi
did.
And
that ensued a lifelong bond between her and her GuruMa. In the process,
her entire extended family got involved with this tie. Guru Ma was a Yogini3 and devoted her life to prayers and bringing
blessings on others. She was often surrounded with a handful of devotees.
I
was around nine or tenyears old when BoroMashi started taking me to see
her. There was something very becalming and restorative about the cool surroundings
of the house with red floors during harsh summer days of Calcutta. God knows I
needed to be there then, but apparently Guru Ma’s blessings were with me
from the moment I was born. I visited Guru Ma a few times, sat along
with her devotees engrossed in prayers and chanting.
When I was born, Guru Ma gave me a special name
– PoddoKoli (lotus bud). I find it quite intriguing, pleasantly so, how
two seemingly unrelated women (the other being my grandmother), but very close
in their devotion and spiritual aspiration, called me by the, well almost same,
name – Poddo or Padma (lotus flower). Was it just a mere coincidence?
This
journey has been about persistentexcavation and discovering hidden treasures
that lay buried in us – where time and space collapse and dreams and reality
coalesce. Who is to say when dreams end? What is this dream made of? What’s its
substance? Who indeed is it who is dreaming?
Where
does reality begin? Is this also someone’s dream? Or is this a collective
dream?
Do
bald eagles, dolphins, butterflies dream? In whose dreams are they in?
I
often get vivid dreams wherein I’m floating in space with Jupiter and Mercury
brushing past me; I’m able to resolve complex emotional issues in my dreams;
hug a friend in distress and who is thousands of miles away; have perfectly
sensible conversations with my parents and other relatives who have passed on
long since. Are they any less real? Not to me. For where should we draw the
line?
Are
we still human and in a human form, or remember we are, when we are dreaming?
Or are we in god’s dream formless experiencing a human existence? For how is it
we can fly when we step to the other realm?
Do
we continue to dream when we die?
1Thakur
ghar is a room dedicated to the gods in many Bengali
homes.
2BoroMashi: Elder aunt.
3Yogini is a woman who practices
yoga.
Waking Up From
Deep Sleep
Tat Satyam Sa Atman
Tat TvamAsi
(“That
Reality is Atman
That Thou Art”)
– Ch─Бndogyopaniс╣гad
At first the
concept appears preposterous and perplexing; this idea of dream which I will
describe in a bit.
The
M─Бс╣Зс╕Н┼лkyaUpaniс╣гad1 explains three states of “consciousness” which are “sleeping, dreaming
and deep sleep”, and the fourth state is called “Thuriyam”2. Just as we dream when we sleep, the waking state,
this Upanishad goes on to say, “is a dream”. Only most of us erroneously consider
it as “real”. How is that possible, you might object, especially when I can
see, discern everything so distinctly around me? But then, we also do so in
dreams – see the world as vivid as day.
“Everything
is experience”; and I believe it’s never easy to grasp this concept unless it
becomes experiential. And that’s what I mean by ‘downloads’ or recognizing your
true ‘Self’. When one becomes intensely aware that all that there is is
consciousness and all so-called objects we perceive are but appearances, it’s
magic!
This
phenomenon has been described variously as “emptiness” or the “neti, neti3” process – which all lead to the same place – the Self.
By
no means does the story end here with the imminent collapse of space, time and
ego, but it transmits you to that great expansive never-ending peace.
You
then walk around this make-believe bazaar as if your life depends on it; it
really does not! You are free to drop this structure this instant and, well, do
whatever you please.
As
our rishis4 have been indicating for centuries, we are the “drishti-shristiwallas5”, making up this creation as we go; just in our
dreams, everything is as real as we believe it is. So in our waking state, this
‘reality’ is as much a dream. We call ‘objects’ around us by names and render
certain attributes to them thereby solidifying the dream, as it were.
Then
we go a step further cementing our collective ‘dream’. And god knows, we’ve
messed this dream up, the reason why many of us suffer so.
Bhagavan Shri Ramana Maharishi says, “All that one gives to
others, gives to oneself” and continues, “If one knows this
truth, would one ever remain without giving?”6
When
all that one perceives, becomes a part of the ‘Self’ – the light and stillness
– who are we going to blame? Besides, who exactly is it that is going to do the
blaming? Where did that doer (jiva) originate?
What
form does it take?
Shankaracharya,
in his AtmaBodha (‘Self-knowledge’) says, “…the moon shines as the sun’s
light is reflected on it; where does the sun get its light from?” – “that Brahman
should be realised”.
1 The
M─Бс╣Зс╕Н┼лkyaUpaniс╣гad is the shortest of all the Upanishads and is assigned
to Atharvaveda.
2Thuriyam or Turiya is the state of
liberation, where according to the Advaita school, one experiences the infinite
(ananta) and non-different (advaita/abheda), that is free from
the dualistic experience, the state in which ajativada, non-origination,
is apprehended.
3Netineti is a Sanskrit expression
which means “not this, not that” or “neither this, nor that”.
4Rishi:
Enlightened person.
5Masters of simultaneous
creation.
6A.
Devaraja Mudaliar. Gems from Bhagavan (Chapter XIII); Sri Ramanasramam
1965.
***
Gayatri
Majumdar is founder-editor, publisher of critically acclaimed
literary journal, The Brown Critique. Her published and upcoming books
include A Song for Bela (a novel), poetry collections Shout, I
Know You Are Here and The Dream Pod and non-fiction The Lotus of
the Heart. She curates the three-day annual Pondicherry/Auroville Poetry
Festival.
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