Poetry: Shivam Tomar

Shivam Tomar

Your death has been such a great interference

1.

You must have waited

by the entrance of the heaven

and looked back for me

your senses 

eager to scatter into nothingness

Regathering them for one last time

you must have looked for me 

in the hazy sight of this world

a great devout of the god,

you must have begged him

to see me

there must have been something

you wanted to say

words used to freeze mid-air

when I showed up

while you and ma were talking

there was always something, 

I must not know

what is the right age

for a child to know

that his father is fighting

a disease

which has already been declared

the winner

now,

the child has grown up

sacrificing a lot many of your desires

you provided me with a decent education

but of what use this wisdom is?

If I still don't know

how to grieve your death properly!

how to move on!

I touch blank white sheets of paper

and it reminds me of touching the shroud

let go of my pen

let go of my hand!

let go of me, father

***

2.

flowers,

incense sticks,

slow dance of smoke,

ghee and sandalwood,

what an incredible

mix of fragrances 

that was

those pundits

chanting mantras beyond comprehension

a sight,

never seen!

so fierce was your death, father

that we all died a little

me, mother, and Didi.

***

3. 

Any demise in our neighbourhood,

Teleport me into the same setting

I see your face in

everybody deceased

a strange fear stirs inside

when I see a crowd 

gathering in front of a house

ma's broken bangles

are still burrowed deep inside my chest

hundreds of eyes

looking at me with pity

are still glued to my being

father,

your death has been

such a great interference.

***

Bio: Shivam Tomar is a poet and translator from Gwalior, India. He curates Poems and articles for Poems India, an online Indian platform that publish Indian contemporary poetry digitally. He writes in Hindi and English.

His work has been published in various publications, including Posham Pa, Dainik Bhaskar and Poems India. Currently, he is pursuing Masters in Hindi Literature.

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Setu, April 2022