Poetry: Shivam Tomar

Shivam Tomar
Your death has been such a great interference

You must have waited
by the entrance of the heaven
and looked back for me

your senses 
eager to scatter into nothingness

Regathering them for one last time
you must have looked for me 
in the hazy sight of this world

a great devout of the god,
you must have begged him
to see me

there must have been something
you wanted to say

words used to freeze mid-air
when I showed up
while you and ma were talking
there was always something, 
I must not know

what is the right age
for a child to know
that his father is fighting
a disease
which has already been declared
the winner

the child has grown up

sacrificing a lot many of your desires
you provided me with a decent education
but of what use this wisdom is?
If I still don't know
how to grieve your death properly!
how to move on!

I touch blank white sheets of paper
and it reminds me of touching the shroud

let go of my pen
let go of my hand!
let go of me, father

incense sticks,
slow dance of smoke,
ghee and sandalwood,

what an incredible
mix of fragrances 
that was

those pundits
chanting mantras beyond comprehension

a sight,
never seen!

so fierce was your death, father
that we all died a little
me, mother, and Didi.

Any demise in our neighbourhood,
Teleport me into the same setting
I see your face in
everybody deceased

a strange fear stirs inside
when I see a crowd 
gathering in front of a house

ma's broken bangles
are still burrowed deep inside my chest

hundreds of eyes
looking at me with pity
are still glued to my being

your death has been
such a great interference.

Bio: Shivam Tomar is a poet and translator from Gwalior, India. He curates Poems and articles for Poems India, an online Indian platform that publish Indian contemporary poetry digitally. He writes in Hindi and English.
His work has been published in various publications, including Posham Pa, Dainik Bhaskar and Poems India. Currently, he is pursuing Masters in Hindi Literature.

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