Niharika Chibber Joe (Diaspora Dual Identities)

Niharika Chibber Joe

His Daughter Is Here

 

Sleeping restlessly
with my passport beneath my pillow,
is a habit long borne of fear.

Righteous anger
at Mother’s out-of-the-blue call,
using a rare benevolent
international phone line,
is a habit long borne of fear.

Jumping out of my skin
when the phone
malevolently beeps at 2 a.m.,
is a habit long borne of fear.

 

The phone will ring one day,
“I am sorry,” it will say,
“Your father died today!”
“Don’t worry,” it will say,
“We lit his pyre today.”
“Stay where you are.”
“You’ve always been too far!”

 

Will I ever get the chance?
Will they ever change their stance?
Will my gender,
my status,
as the faraway child,
allow me the privilege
to see the flames dance?
I must be the one

to give him to the flames,
I am the one
who carries his name!

 

 

“Purpose of visit?”
“Saying goodbye to Dad.”
“Welcome to India, ma’am.”
The immigration officer

pulls out a tissue

her eyes are moist.

“His daughter is here!”
A sleepless vigil,
his breath, bedraggled to my eyes,
his heart, steady in my ears.

Suddenly, it’s me again,
in tearful white-clad silence.
“His daughter is here!”
A military bugle
plays The Last Post
to a fallen soldier.

I have fulfilled my purpose.
I am Daughter,
I am Son,
I am his!

Back across the seven seas,
my passport continues
to sleep with me.

 

 

Bombay

 

In the charmless “desi” section

Of the airport

Far away

from the fragrance of Duty Free

and closer to the lavatory

A cheerless census

of excited western tourists

and sentimental immigrants

wait in indifferent silence

ready to make

their weary way eastward.

 

Those who look like me

Avoid my gaze

“We are Indian”

Their avoidance screams

“Oh, God! You’re embarrassing me!”

My averted gaze

Hollers back

“Ugh! Those Indians!”

 

Boarding begins

for Mumbai

Bombay is “Mumbai” now

It has nothing to do

with bombs or bays

But I know it as “Bombay”

Mumbai sounds alien

I am tired of being an alien.

 

Niharika Chibber Joe is a U.S. civil servant, working on U.S.-Japan relations. She is also a prize-winning published poet and short story writer. She writes in English, Hindi and Japanese. Her work has been published online and in several print anthologies. Niharika serves on the board of YUVATI (Youth Under Voluntary Action for Transformation India) and is an advisor to the DC South Asian Arts Council. She holds an M.A. in International Relations from the Johns Hopkins University’s School of Advanced International Studies in Washington, D.C., and an M.A. and B.A. in Japanese Language and Literature from the Jawaharlal Nehru University in India.

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Setu, April 2025