Shalini Nandkeolyar (Diaspora Dual Identities)

Shalini Nandkeolyar

Living Without Her

 

I see you sitting by the window

Alone, forlorn, furrows of pain

Etched on the creases of your face

Pools of limpid loneliness in your eyes.

I read the story of your palpable loss.

The momentary spark that flickers

And drowns in an avalanche of tears.

The void that seeps from the crevices.

Beyond is the void where none reach!

I have traversed that very same path –

I know the bleeding points, festering

wounds, contemplating on aloneness

And loneliness, the subtle nuances.

People pass by nonchalant, uncaring

preoccupied in this business of living.

Who has the time? Inclination to pause

Notice another’s pain? Just stop by to greet!

It’s been months but seems like years bereft.

Night after nights to stare at the empty bed –

The unbearable longing for her soft touch.

TV blaring in the room- some voices, noises

To break the deafening stillness…

Some human conversations to remain sane.

To drown the muffled sobs , the monotony

Of your own mundane company, the scattered

Books, Where once she lay vivacious,

alive, sparkling!

It’s not that love is not there – it

touches you in a million fragrant ways,

Hidden behind blind folds of our own

Vulnerability, Veils of grief, tempestuous

Waves, whispering something to the moon.

Codes you cannot decipher, comprehend.

 

This distant land of dreamscapes,

Home for sixty years yet is it home?

The old house still beckons lurking

Somewhere in the shadowy past

Courtyard with rooms around,

buzzing with activities, milling with people.

Yet these memories drizzle like

cascades of rain on the desolate terrain

To resurrect you from the ashes like Phoenixes .

To cajole you into another day of hope and resilience.

 

 

Shalini Nandkeolyar is multitalented! She has a diploma in acting from the New York Academy of Theatrical Arts and has acted in a number of plays. She studied English Literature and Philosophy and has a degree in Business Management. She is gifted singer and has a music album of Bhajan called ARPANAM. Painting is another passion. She enjoys writing poetry, both in English and Hindi. Her poems have been widely published in literary journals, various magazines and a number of Anthologies in English and Hindi. Her poems are exquisite, full of beautiful imagery, deeply philosophical, profound and evocative! She is a Reiki Master.

---

Setu, April 2025