Displacement: The Quest for New Skies and Nests

Vinita Narula

Vinita Narula

Well said and that for us seems to have been a practice from times immemorial, with great grandfathers having moved to places like Africa, Quetta, Burma, Singapore, Malaya etc., at least six generations back to dig gold.

Highly qualified and hard-working persons were hugely welcomed and appreciated in far-off lands for their diligence, honesty and other attributes leading to gains for the lands immigrated to as also a success for themselves in terms of monetary gain and fame. While mentioning this I am talking of late nineteenth century and early twentieth century.

The exodus mostly happened due to the economic conditions in the country for the salaried class families initially. Later, even after independence, the same continued either due to the shortage of available research facilities during higher education, the sought after courses not being offered or better emoluments expectations not being met after obtaining their professional degrees, causing a brain drain and loss for India.

By this time, by nineteen fifties/sixties, the western countries like England, United States of America and Canada seemed to find favour with the younger generation. Then came the other countries like Europe and Australia that offered interesting courses in hospitality, finance, music and art etc.

All through these periods, Individuals mostly travelled as single, unmarried persons, whether male or female. Some found their partners there, while the rest came back for matrimony with specific choices and preferences. These were clearly put in and advertised in the daily newspapers and scores of interactive sessions took place in order to pick the ‘right match’.

Choices tended to be mostly in terms of the sought after person’s appearance and family background but more importantly the employability avenue of the selected partner in the far-off land in order to facilitate building of the newer nest utilizing the double income of the couple.

In spite of the rigorous and tedious selection process, it is important to mention the unfortunate avoidable post marriage mishaps and frequent deceitful fallouts due to the lack of convenient communication and travel facilities.

The newlyweds naturally bore offsprings and mostly made for, struggling nuclear families having to be self-dependent. Devoid of otherwise, amply available physical familial help and household staff assistance in their home turf, the country of origin. A large number requested for their parents help in tiding over this rough patch and had them visiting and staying with them for rather long periods to tide over.

While enlarging their families, holding on to traditional values and cultural practices seemed eminent and therefore a serious effort was put in continuing the process by the couple for themselves as also for the growing up progeny. Some couples succeeded in retaining their value systems whereas others found themselves getting sucked into the prevailing patterns of foreign lands, having to say ‘bye, bye to the child after turning eighteen’ or fearing their children could go astray, deemed it better to return to their home country and start their life afresh with the sufficiently earned high value monies. However, majority stayed back and adjusted their lives according to the country men there.

Till the time children were young the couples could make frequent trips to the home country which were keenly awaited for by both, the visitors as also the families at home ground.

The foreign residents as visitors could enjoy their favourite dishes, make purchases, reconnect with relatives, friends, earlier education institutions etc thereby avoid their getting homesick. However, as their familial encumbrances increased in the far-off lands due to multiple reasons their trips tended to become less frequent.

Large family structures as of the earlier times in the home country made looking after greying parents not as difficult but seemed unsustainable as time passed by due to reasons like small family norms meaning lesser siblings, increased cost of living, efforts required in tending to the property etc., it was considered more appropriate and practical to live together in the foreign lands. Slowly and steadily getting the aging parents over into their family fold overseas seemed to be best option and acted upon too by many well-meaning children.

However, in spite of the best intentions to look after and the sharing the pleasure of being together physically, inability to spend quality time together due to children and grandchildren’s busy schedules for their individual pursuits, elders seemed/ tended to feel left out and lonesome.

Newer communities, newer friends, newer cultural norms, newer eating habits made many miss their roots and crave for their own space and independence.

Declining health conditions, incapacitating the elders further tended to add on to the financial burden of the working family members.

It is a known fact that as an individual ages, one tends to become more childlike. 

“बच्चा बूढ़ा एक समान”.

As a result, these elderly parents felt more and more out of place in the lands away from their place of birth, reminiscing and craving for their favourite foods and eating practices, close relatives, friends and places of worship etc. causing considerable psychological and emotional problems, resulting in setbacks for themselves as also for their attending children.

Physical immobility adds on to their misery even further by not only needing assisted care but also being bitten by the guilt of not being of as much use to the household. That was then, May be two decades back.

With the world becoming one large village, situation is changing almost on a day-to-day basis. Explosion of telecommunications, video calling, zoom meetings, emailing, convenient air travel has reduced the physical distance to just being like neighbourhood, availability of all kinds of food items and feasibility of YouTube offering the ease of preparing any dish of one’s choice while being explained in one’s own regional language too has reduced the cravings.

The CEOs of most valued companies being our own worthy sisters and brethren all over the world makes one wide eyed with hope and anticipation. Sunita Williams, Space crafts and Space missions, the Silicon Valley and the like almost seem being with in one’s own fist.

Art, music, theatre and other forums are there to fit in every one’s reach, enabling even the elders easy and convenient mingling. A change in mindset of elders further will tend to be a win -win situation for the families nesting in the newer skies.

With our very own Kamala Harris and Vance’s name coming up right on the top is a cherry on the cake and may be, just may be the pastures are going to be green everywhere, not just on the other side of the fence.

Displacement: The quest for newer Skies and Nests here after seems a healthy possibility instead of taking to an earlier times kind of a toll.

To be honest it actually can be different and vary from case to case, family to family basis, but is worth trying for sure.

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Setu, July 2024