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| Nagma Sinha |
Around four thirty in the morning, Coco’s large sea green eyes unveiled and fluttered expressionlessly. She snuggled comfortably alongside her mistress, Shirin. The snow-white feline brushed her tail on Shirin’s stomach and in a few minutes, the mistress was awake too. She looked at the clock at the side table before rubbing her eyes and rising from her bed. A koel perched on the mahogany tree near the room window attracted Coco’s attention. She jumped out of the bed and sat ardently on the windowsill to hear the talented bird’s melodious performance. By five o clock, Shirin was dressed in a tracksuit and ready to breathe the dawn air outside. She took Coco in her arms and caressed her furry head and said, “Be with mama for some time. I will be back soon, ok?” She put Coco in her mother, Niloufer’s room, and left for a morning walk at Triangle Park. The pedestrian path on the road was damaged at certain places and needed quick repairs. “Why can’t the municipality do something about this for heaven’s sake?” she thought. She had been an active member of the Bombay Parsi Welfare Association and had raised the civic issues to the concerned authorities several times but there had been no improvements. Being a fifty-three-year-old woman she had a scant amount of agility left in her body. She would draft letters on the grievances and rely on the younger members to do the running around the government offices and convey their predicament to the right people in the bureaucratic chain. All the members had vowed that they would never fall prey to unethical activities such as offering bribes or accepting charitable donations without a proper background check about the donor. The association aimed to become the role model for the other such non-profit organisations.
While returning home after a thirty minutes’ walk, she heard Sanober’s voice a few metres behind.
“Good morning, madam!”
Shirin turned around and said, “Good morning, Sanober. What did you put in mama's soup last night? She was feeling all gassy and slept only after twelve.”
“Oh!! Madam, I had put some cabbage in it. That may have caused problems.”
“Why Sanober? I have told you so many times to be careful with these things”.
“Very sorry madam”
Sanober had been working at Shirin’s house for a decade now. She was employed for the household work and was Niloufer’s caretaker too.
Once they reached the doorstep of the house, Coco heard the jingling of the keys at the front door and gracefully walked towards it to welcome her mistress. Shirin lifted her with affection and took her to the kitchen and descended her to the white tiled floor. She filled a large saucer with cold milk and placed it in front of Coco, and she slid out her large tongue to have her first meal of the day.
Shirin entered Niloufer's room while Sanober was cleaning it.
“Mama, how are you feeling now?”
“Not so good dikari…Sanober, take me to the bathroom.”
Sanober left the broom on the floor and placed Niloufer's wobbly right arm on her shoulder and put her hand around the octogenarian's heavy waist as support and guided her towards the bathroom. When they reached inside, she closed the door behind them.
Around eight thirty, the fishmonger’s loud voice echoed from a distance. Shirin stood in front of her second-floor balcony and waved at the fish seller dressed in a nauvari sari and heavy earrings dangling along with her pendulum-like gait. She was carrying a large plastic tub over her head and the fishes of distinct colours, shapes and sizes were shining under the morning sun.
“What should I give you, madam?”
“Is Bombay Duck fresh Sandhya?”
“Yes madam, it is from today morning’s catch.”
“And mackerel?”
“That is yesterday's catch, madam. Why don’t you take pomfret and prawns? They are very fresh.”
Sanober was sent downstairs to conduct an intensive inspection on the freshness and to collect the brightest skinned seafood varieties. Sanober belonged to an ancestral family of fisherfolks, and she boasted of being self-trained on the art of discovering the supreme quality produce in a span of a few minutes. She could judge the quality just with a quick sniff, look and touch of the fishes. Shirin had blind faith in her choices.
After seeing Sanober making the final selections, Shirin went to Niloufer’s room, “Mama, what do you want to eat for breakfast? Ravo porridge?”
“I am not feeling hungry, dikari.”
“You will have to eat well; otherwise, how will these heavy medications work on your body?”
Niloufer had five children consisting of four girls and a boy. Out of five, four of them were married, and they bore a total of nine grandchildren. Niloufer was immensely proud about the fact that their family had made an earnest contribution to augment the Parsi population. The only one who did not contribute to this cause was Shirin. Shirin had two elder sisters and a younger sister and a brother. During her younger years, she fell in love with Zirak, an offspring to a Parsi father and a Bengali mother. Zirak was handsome and had a successful career at the Bombay Stock Exchange and yet a few of the families who swore to endogamy did not consider him to be a suitable match for their daughters. Shirin belonged to one such family.
Shirin worked as a schoolteacher in a primary school and would get free from work after three in the afternoon.
Her house was a stone throw away from Zirak’s house and she would take an evening stroll around the same time, Zirak would deboard a city bus and walk home from the bus stop. She constantly strived to get Zirak’s attention but was unsuccessful on most of the days. On a few occasions, Zirak would notice her and give her a bright smile while on other days, he would be lost in his thoughts and would be unperturbed by the surroundings. They would meet each other during formal invitations by their respective families during Navroz and other occasions of birthdays and anniversaries. While returning home from one of the dinners organised by Zirak’s family, she had overheard her parent’s conversations.
“That Zirak is such a perfect boy but from an interfaith marriage. What a shame!”
“How does it matter, Nilou? We are in a new age now and this is an accepted culture nowadays.”
“Well, I can never accept such a mixed culture family. Will their future generations keep the true Parsi identity?”
“May be not but there is no harm in keeping an open mind and accepting cultural differences.”
“If you ask me, I do not want my daughters to marry into such families.”
Shirin was walking a few meters away in silence and the conversation made her feel helpless. Her mother had unknowingly snatched away the most beautiful dream from her life. She did not confide her feelings to anyone except to one of her elder sisters, Dinaz.
“Shirin, you know what mama feels about his family. Don’t break her heart. It’s not just about your love interest; it’s about preserving your future lineage. Don’t you want mama to be proud of it?”
After a year, Zirak got married to a Maharashtrian girl and Shirin’s heart broke into a million pieces. She felt repulsive to the idea of marriage. She indulged in different outdoor activities to divert her mind. She would volunteer for all the school activities, visit her siblings and spend time with her nieces and nephews, visit the fire temple or go out on petty errands to be out of home and to avoid discussions around her marriage. When her younger brother, Rushad, reached his marriageable age, Shirin encouraged her parents to marry him off and not wait for her turn.
Once Rushad was married, Shirin took more responsibilities of the house including that of her ageing parents. She was forty-two when the youngest sibling, Feroza left home on her wedding day. Over the years, Shirin became an aunt to nine children belonging to her siblings. Zirak had a family of his own too. His children would sometimes visit Shirin’s house to greet their schoolteacher. After Feroza’s marriage, the house turned quite empty. Shirin’s father, Khufiruz slipped on the staircase and became bedridden, and Niloufer was diagnosed with osteoporosis and high blood sugar. Her parents wanted Rushad to stay with them, but he was very much preoccupied with his marital responsibilities. He had settled in a rented apartment in Rustom Baug in Byculla to have the school and the workplaces at a shorter distance. Shirin later was elevated as the School Principal and her work responsibilities had increased manifold. She would take some time off on a few days every week for doctor consultations and medical check-ups for her parents and on weekends hosted her aunts and uncles who would drop by unannounced to find out about Niloufer and Khufiruz’s well-being. Zirak would visit at least once in two weeks and on those days, Shirin would find herself extremely cheerful and radiant and all the desolation and depression would be briefly forgotten.
After Khufiruz’s demise, Shirin felt the need of a caretaker who would also give company to her mother while she was away at school. This was the time when Sanober was employed into the house.
A year ago, Shirin left her high paying job to be with her mother whose health condition had gradually deteriorated.
Coco was looking around with his tongue sliding out at quick intervals. She found a comfortable place next to the kitchen sink where Sanober was cleaning the fishes.
Shirin sat on the chair placed next to Niloufer’s bed. She had brought the semolina porridge topped with finely chopped pieces of almonds. She scooped the contents in a spoon and advanced it into Niloufer’s direction.
“Mama, here, take small bites.”
After feeding her mother, she sat on the balcony with her morning tea and the newspaper. She searched for the letters to the editor section and was happy and relieved to see that one out of five letters sent to the newspaper about news items on the civic problems at the Dadar colony, had at last been published. While she was reading it, the doorbell rang. Sanober attended it.
“Good morning, sir, please come in.”
Shirin pulled her upper body backwards to see the visitor’s face from the right corner of the balcony door. It was Zirak.
She sprang out of her chair, pulled the part of her gown which had ruffled near her stomach downwards and tried to make her frizzy hair neater with her palms. She entered the drawing room smiling and directed him towards the sofa.
“So nice to see you after several weeks. Were you outstation?” asked Shirin.
“Yes, I went to my in-laws’ house in Alibaug. Wife and kids wanted to be there for the vacation.”
“I have heard that Alibaug is a beautiful place.”
“Yes, it is. It’s very peaceful there but I had to return to work.”
“I get it. I am free from all that now.”
“Yes, good for you. How’s Niloufer aunty?”
“She isn’t keeping quite well. I will take her to Dr. Pervez’s clinic tomorrow for her check-ups.”
“Ok, I hope everything comes out well.”
“I hope so. Hey, please stay for lunch.”
“Oh no! don’t trouble yourself. I just came to see you and aunty.”
“No, please stay. As it is, Avantika is in Alibaug, so home food is better than outside food, right? There will be Pomfret and Prawns. Your favourite!” Shirin smiled.
“Ah ok, I can’t say no to that now. You win!” Zirak laughed.
Shirin guided Zirak to Niloufer’s room.
“Zirak dikra, how are you?”
“I am doing good aunty, how are you feeling?”
“Not so good. I have a lot of difficulty climbing up and down the bed. The bones inside my legs seem to have cracked into pieces. Then, the stomach problems are never ending.”
“Don’t worry Aunty. You will recover soon. You will be meeting Dr. Pervez tomorrow, right?”
Every time Zirak talked his cheeks moved along with his jaw movements. Shirin kept staring at his cheeks and wanted to kiss them with intensity to feel the fluffy bulge of the flesh.
Sanober came in and asked Shirin to go with her to the kitchen.
As soon as Shirin was out of the room, Niloufer found an opportunity to talk to Zirak in private.
“Dikra, I need your help. Will you help me?”
“Of course, aunty. What is it?”
“It’s about Shirin. You know her so well. I want you to talk to her about having a family of her own. She has been unmarried all this while because of us. Who will she have after I die? I am extremely worried about her dikra. She doesn’t listen to me.”
“I don't think she will listen to me either, but I will speak to her aunty. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
“Thank you dikra. Tell her not to worry about me. Sanober is there to look after me.”
After lunch, Zirak asked Shirin to go with him for a stroll at the Wadia Garden. She happily joined him while Coco was left at home under Sanober’s watch.
After walking around the garden for about twenty minutes, they sat at a bench under a Gulmohar tree. Few of the bright red flowers had fallen from the tree on the bench. They brushed these aside and took their places next to each other.
Zirak looked at Shirin and said, “Look Shirin, you may not like what I am going to say but we need to have this conversation. Niloufer aunty is very worried about you.”
“About what?”
“You have done enough for your family and it’s time you start thinking about yourself.”
“I have taken up the responsibilities myself because someone needed to and no one has forced me into it, ever!”
“Yes, I know that but it’s high time you have a family of your own”.
“I am not going to leave mama alone in this state, no matter what she thinks.”
“See, Shirin, I am nobody to ask you to get married, but you need to think about your future life. Your mama is not going to be around forever”.
“I have no interest in marriage. I am satisfied with my life.”
“If you say so, but I know you for an exceptionally long time now, Shirin. I know how selfless you have been. C’mon if not marriage, then at least start living for yourself. Start doing things which make you happy.”
The last words enraged Shirin, and she felt devastated about Zirak’s ignorance about her timeless adoration for him. She looked at Zirak and said “You have always been so utterly wonderful Zirak. You have always been my angel, you know?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can you come closer?”
“Yes, what is it?”
Shirin cupped Zirak’s face in her hands and planted a deep kiss on his left cheek. Before he could react to it, her lips were already resting on his rosy lips, and she gave him an enthusiastic kiss. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. She gathered her thoughts and said, “This is one of the most beautiful things which would always make me happy.”
Zirak was still trying to understand and comprehend his emotions, and he opened his mouth after a while.
“I am a little shocked right now and I don't know what to say to you.”
Looking at Zirak’s baffled expression, Shirin felt guilty and said, “I am extremely sorry for my behaviour. I made you so uncomfortable”.
Zirak avoided eye contact and kept silent.
Shirin continued, “I have always had feelings for you, Zirak but I kept my emotions buried inside for thirty long years!”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“You need to thank your Niloufer Aunty for this.”
“Why is that?”
“I will tell you some other day.”
“Shirin, you know, I am a married man.”
“You don’t need to tell me that.”
There was a brief silence again and Zirak continued, “Anyway, I am deeply sorry that you had to go through such tough times, and you kept everything to yourself! I wish things were different.”
“How I wish it were! I am extremely sorry for burdening you with all this”.
“I am all right, don’t worry, but please don’t ever do this again!”
Shirin looked at Zirak in the eye and said softly, “I will not.”
“I am going through a lot in my life which you do not know of Shirin. Life is tough for everyone, and this is how it will be, and we must live with it!”
She got misty eyed, and at once looked away from Zirak with embarrassment.
Their meaningful silence was filled with the distinct sounds of the afternoon birds swaying around the trees at the park.
***
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