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| Sherri Jens |
Distilled
Dissolution
I
want to dissolve in your presence
To
yield completely into nothingness
With
you into the unknown
To
melt into a painting of the moment
Complete
reciprocity
Pure
balance of light and shadow
A
zeroing out for fresh sight
To
catch the present’s vivid colors
The
meetings of lines at the epicenter
of
the lemniscate ∞
The
intersection of our storylines
Merging
once more.
Unanswered
questions
Dissipating
into the divine
Unsent
prayers answered
All
at once with divine timing
With
divine knowing
To
embrace you
In
perfect balance of give and take
And
unconditional love
To
heal your wounds
And
free your soul
From
concerns worldly and otherwise
From
pains unspoken
But
in your eyes
To
hold a mirror
Of
what I see
The
wonderment of you
Your
strength and resilience
Your
humility and warmth
And
have you know in your very depths
That
you are loved
No
pretenses
No
illusions
No
sugar-coating the raw truth
Just
you and me
I’d
rather gulp bitter coffee
Than
sip sweetened tea
I do
not judge your path
I do
not judge your past
Your
path, as mine, filled with joys and griefs
Your
choices and mine
Doing
the best we can with what we have
At
any given moment
And
in this moment
We
are free
To
just be.
Not
to defend our stories but release them
Not
to chat away idly but speak and listen
To
look into your eyes
Receive
your download
With
comprehension and acceptance
In
perfect reciprocity
The
full truth
Bared
beneath the light
Of
the simplest of your questions
The
release and self-awareness
Thirty
years unasked
Thirty
years unmasked
For
clarity and purity of heart and mind
Not
reading your story but knowing it
Not
hearing your tale but living it
In
compassion and acceptance
And
empathy for your journey
Releasing
lofty expectations
And
hold the beauty
Of
thirty years compressed into a few days
A
few hours
A
few moments
Of
communion
I
see your beauty, your value, your worth
Just
as I did when we children
A
spiritual connection I cannot explain
Or
justify
But
appreciate and hold in sacred esteem
I
want to let you take the wheel
And
drive
I
want to see where the road leads
And
to be frightened in the curves
Not
complacent on the straight and narrow path
But
live in the full excitement of the not knowing
The
undefinable
The
uncategorizable
That
without a label
Existence
that has yet to take shape or form
But
that we can design
To
our own wishes
Our
own needs
Or
even taking it off-road
And
Baja-ing it across bumpy terrains.
It
matters not.
I
leave this map here in your glovebox
And
when you’re ready
You
can drive us all the way (back) home.
Still I Railed
Children
holding hands
Beneath
our coats
Grinning
with braces
And
kisses in the park
Holding
me tight
I
never forgot
The
sweetness
The
tenderness of it all.
When
you went away
Your
letters were harbingers of joy for me
Opening
each one breathlessly
Tasting
every word
Seeing
every line and curve you had penned
As a
road map
Leading
me home
Drawing
me in with every loop of ink
Me,
cradled in every U
And
held aloft in each Y
I was
the dot of your i
The
cross of your t
That
stack of letters I kept safe
Five
years’worth
Tied
with beautiful ribbons
Met
at the center
Adorned
with a bow
Treated
like the precious gift they were.
Five
years
Ten
years
Fifteen
years
Twenty.
I
fought and yelled for them
Refusing
to yield them up
To
one undeserving and unreasonable demand
Of
another
Of
multiple others
I
lament having been defeated
Ultimately
losing that fight
On
the argument that
If I
don’t give them up
I
must still have feelings
Selfish
and jealous
Of
my treasure
I
would not cede.
Not
this spoil.
No.
No,
I defied.
No,
as I hid them behind my back. Not these.
Not
my innocence.
Not
my declarations of pure love.
Not
my proof of its existence.
Not
my hope.
No.
Enraged
at the thought
There
was such magic he could not witness
A
gate through which he could never enter.
Still
I railed.
For
three days, I railed in defense of logic.
Of
humaneness.
Of
compassion.
Of
trust.
I
grew weary.
I
acquiesced.
Nausea
flooded
In
heated waves of shame and rage
As I
let them fall from my hand
And
I wept for them and me
And
the loss of them and you
And
that masterpiece
We
had created as children
As
sacred to me as any holy book,
More
dear than any bible.
And
with them went my Self.
And
with them went half my respect for him
And
three quarters of my trust
And
a third of my love.
And
still I railed.
Discernment
in Starlight
I
look up into the night
Among
the infinite numbers
Of stars
And
fix my gaze
On the brightest one there.
This
star outshines the lot of them.
Orion
standing
Off to the east,
Off-kilter,
Sporting his glittering belt
Has
no appeal to me.
But
this star,
Strong and constant,
Unwavering in its position,
Set high above all,
Draws
me in.
I
trust its light,
Its understated presence
Apart from any constellation,
Serene in isolation.
I
trust its solitude,
Assured by its existence
And ask nothing of it
But to appreciate its simple beauty.
I
believe in this star,
Though it shines regardless,
Unaffected by my admiring eyes.
This
star spoke to me once,
But I thought I was dreaming.
Speak
again, Bright One,
And I will answer.
Nocturnal
Intrusion
This
morning
At
2:14 a.m.
I
went outside
Lit
a cigarette
And
lay down
In the
dark
Looking
up
At
the stars.
I
thought of you.
I
found Ursa Major,
A
pattern
I
recognized,
Among
the twinkling display,
The
endless array
Of
spots before my eyes.
You
were there
With
me,
Beside
me,
Lying
still and quiet
In
their presence.
I thought
I heard you
Breathing
in the night air,
Felt
your hand
Squeezing
mine
In
agreement,
In
silent appreciation
Of
the stillness,
The
calming sight,
Loving
the cool distant fires,
The
dim lights
Amongst
the darkness—
Against
the blackness.
I
heard a noise
And
started,
Jumping
from our bed,
Rousing
from conscious reverie,
Pulling
me away
From
our shared dream,
Our
brief moment
Of
contentment.
I am
angry
At
the intrusion
And
bewildered
At
my imaginative powers,
My
magic
In
bringing you here
Against
your will.
Are
you angry
At
the intrusion?
Did
you notice
That
I’d stolen you away
From
your world
For
a while?
Did
I have the right
To
pull you away,
To
selfishly have you
With
me for a moment?
Did
you know
You
were absent?
Was
it unkind of me
To
take you
Without
your consent?
To
have you lie beside me
In
peaceful pleasure,
Away
from your joys
And
sorrows,
Away
from your life
To
share
A
few minutes of mine?
Did
you, too,
Hear
a noise
In
the dark?
Did
it make you jump?
Did
it startle you
From
a dream
Of
your own?
Were
you lying
With
someone else
In
the darkness,
Gazing
at the stars
In
peaceful appreciation?
Did
I wake you
From
your stolen moment
Of
peace?
I
hope not.
I
never want to be
An
unwelcome noise
In
your night.
You
Spoke to Me
You
spoke to me
In
riddles
And
I guessed
The
answers
You
spoke to me
In
code
And
I deciphered
You
spoke to me
In
numbers
And
letters
And
notes
I
read them all.
You
spoke to me
In
laughter
And
tears
And
confessions
In
a language
No
one’s ever heard
And
I got the message.
You
spoke to me
In
kindness
And
patience
Forgiveness
and acceptance
I’ll
never forget.
You
spoke to me
Plainly
and clearly
The
most powerful
Words
of all
—Heavy
with import—
And
I couldn’t hear them.
Beautiful
ReplyDeleteThank you very kindly.
DeleteThe craving for true love, devotion and connection is expressed magically in these works while the stars serve as contrast to the minuteness of our humanity which you rise above by the intensity of your longings.
ReplyDelete