Poetry: Gary Beck

Gary Beck

So Brief

I am a leaf

blown by the wind

aswirl a moment

I come to rest

after I fall from 

the juice giving tree,

while some foolish leaves

believe they’ll be treed again.

I slowly decompose,

do not fertilize

the famished earth

prevented by humans

preferring neat lawns

to the cycle of life.

*** 

Dread

I live in a land

of unhappy people

faces fixed in frowns

wherever they go,

lips clenched, eyes afraid,

apprehensive

that the present

is better than the future.

***

Last Stop

I no longer remember

where I lived as a youth.

My mind is so erratic

details evaporated.

Strangers visit me

and claim to be family,

but I don’t know them.

Some people in white suits

claim I’m in a nursing home

without the faintest idea

how I got here.

I don’t know if they’re lying

and holding me prisoner.

I don’t like how I’m treated,

but there’s no use complaining.

It won’t make them treat me right.

So I’ll hang on while I can

cause I’m afraid of dying,

but if I keep forgetting

I guess I’ll never notice. 

***

Public Housing

I was born in the projects.

Well, in the hospital,

then they brought me here,

at least I guess so.

I was too young to know,

I live here all my life.

It was good for me.

I had these good friends

Keisha and Shawna.

We did everything together.

Mama yelled at me a lot

but I pay her no mind

Once her boyfriend hit me,

she got rid of him quick.

We attend school

but it’s not so nice.

Some of the kids are nasty.

The teachers don’t like us.

But me, Keisha, Shawna,

we stick together.

This group did a show for the kids.

A lot of grownups come

and laughed like the kids.

The group come back the next week

and taught us theatre games,

circus arts, I learned to juggle

and do lots of fun things.

The Community Center lady

is mean, yells and pinches us,

but not when that group is here.

The kids did a show at the end of summer

for the whole neighborhood.

Lots of people come

to see us do the circus.

I was a lion and roared.

I jumped through a flaming hoop.

Everybody clap for us.

It felt good to be applauded.

Two from the group came back after school

and did fun things with us.

We worked indoors until summer

writing, acting and circus stuff.

The Community Center lady

still be mean to us,

pinch us when no one looking.

The acting lady is nice.

She tell me: ‘Don’t fear failing.

Always keep trying, even if you’re scared.

You’ll grow more confident’.

She right. I am more confident.

The theatre group comes twice a week

during the school year.

At the beginning of summer

they do a terrific show

in beautiful costumes

and everybody love them,

well not the mean lady

from the Community Center.

They come three times a week

and we do a show before school start.

I never really thought about them

cause they always be there.

They always nice, help us do things

and we always have fun.

It be different in school.

Not everyone be nice.

Shawna hit back when kids hit her

and teachers always blame her

cause she speak up for herself:

“I don’t take no shit from those kids.”

It took a few years and I learned

the theatre company was helping us,

but no one else seemed to care.

That nice lady, Nancy,

always talk to me.

When I tell her: ‘It’s not fair.’

she say: ‘That may be true

but you have to build yourself,

so you can deal with what happens.’

I try, but it not easy.

I guess I was about ten

when everything change.

The teachers complain our parents

are burning the Bronx.

I don’t have no parents,

just mama and her mean boyfriend.

She didn’t start no fires.

The neighbors aren’t friendly

and there were lots of bad kids

fighting, stealing, making trouble.

But the theatre company still come.

I learned they’re called ‘Sidewalks Theatre’.

Keisha and I were ten. Shawna eleven

and we didn’t want to be lions,

so Nancy make us assistants

and we work with the young kids.

Nobody force us to work with them

and we don’t go to the Center

with that nasty lady

when the theatre’s not here.

Keisha and me wasn’t kids

when we were thirteen

and the boys think we be women,

offer us money, jewelry, sneakers,

even coke or crack if we sex them.

Keisha and me always say ‘no’,

but Shawna was fourteen, tell us:

‘I want what we see on tv,

so I let boys sex me

if they give me what I want.’

Things be worse at high school.

Teachers look nasty at us,

like we burning the Bronx.

The only ones they treat worse

be the homeless kids

who they make sit in back

and tell us they be homeless

and live in a shelter.

They be worse off then me and Keisha,

but we still get it tough every day.

The boys in high school

want to sex us

and they be in gangs,

dealing so much drugs

they got plenty of money

and want to buy us,

like they bought Shawna

who be a gang girl now

with new clothes, but smoke crack,

so we stay away from her.

Me and Keisha make a promise:

‘Always stick together’.

But when we fifteen

comin home from school

she get killed in a drive-by.

Shawna come to the funeral,

tell me: ‘I be your friend again’.

I know that mean drugs and sexing.

I say no real nice

so I don’t get trouble with her gang.

It hard to be alone

with everything bad around me,

but I still go to Sidewalks Theatre.

I’m assistant instructor,

get paid for each workshop.

It not a lot of money,

but I earn it for work,

not sexing someone

for drugs or sneakers

who don’t be liking me.

The next few years be hard.

No friends, can’t have a boyfriend

or the gang boys fix him good.

They still look at me hard

but they let me be.

Nancy from Sidewalks Theatre

the only one stick by me.

‘No matter what,’ she say. ‘Don’t quit school.’

I don’t want what Shawna got,

so I make sure to finish school.

I graduate when I’m eighteen.

Didn’t listen to guidance counselor,

who told me: ‘Get a fast food job.

It can be a good career move,

Work hard, become a manager.’

Nancy say: ‘Go to college.’ I laugh.

I’m the first one to finish high school.

I start Bronx Community College.

College be a whole new world

and I fit in like I belong.

I didn’t see the theatre group

cause of school and part time job

in the pharmacy department

of a nearby drug store chain.

I deal with people real well,

don’t get angry when they get mad.

My only problem local gang boys

who know me, come robbing the store

and I can’t say anything

cause they know where I live.

I study computer science

and find out I got real talent.

A guy in my class talk to me

he’s real nice, very serious,

plans to go to four year college

and wants more then just to sex me.

He ask me out on a date.

I don’t say it’s my first date.

I like him a lot, he likes me

and we go out after school, weekends.

Things go well at school, work, with Kai.

My computer teacher tell me:

‘Go to a four year college.

You’ll have a great career

in the computer field.’

Work is great. My manager

give me a raise with lots of praise.

And Kai be perfect. I love him.

I never felt this before.

Didn’t think it would happen to me.

Mama and her mean boyfriend

who don’t dare be mean to me now

decide to move back to Georgia

to be with her family.

She want me to come. She crazy.

First time in my life everything good.

She want me to leave all this,

go somewhere in nowhere Georgia,

live with her and mean boyfriend.

Now I know for sure she crazy.

I got my A.A. degree today,

same day Kai got his.

We both going to Lehman College.

I was promoted at work

and I’m the systems manager

with a big raise in salary.

So work good, school good, Kai great.

He move in with me and nervous

about living in public housing,

but Shawna tells gang: ‘Leave him alone.’

I bring Kai to summer workshop

with Nancy and Sidewalks Theatre.

Nancy had him work with shy boys.

He got them juggling scarves real quick.

Later he tell me: ‘Nancy cool.’

That night he ask me to marry him.

I be so happy I ask him:

‘Why you take so long to ask?’

He smile, kiss me. ‘You saying yes?’

I kiss him hard. ‘I’m saying yes.’

We both don’t have any friends,

we get married at Bronx Borough Hall.

The clerk set a kitchen timer

to make a new marrying record,

but we don’t pay him no mind,

too happy being together.

We go for a wedding dinner

to Sams, on the Grand Concourse,

with a DJ playing rap

and delicious Southern food.

We be very happy

no matter what people say

about living in the projects.

We work, go to school, we love.

I get pregnant, find out

we going to have a girl,

make sure it’s cool with my job,

complete the year at Lehman College.

Kai make me promise to finish

my Bachelor of Science degree.

Things go faster and faster.

Seems like there’s war everywhere.

Crazies keep shooting kids at schools.

Everyone worry about jobs.

Me, Kai, baby Keisha be happy.

When Keisha be old enough

she go to Sidewalks Theatre,

do circus arts workshops.

She be a lion in the show

just like her mama used to be.

The mean lady who used to pinch me

still at the Community Center

and Keisha tell me she pinch her.

I laugh to myself that old hag

still be mean to little kids,

but I go there and tell her:

‘Don’t you ever pinch my daughter.

She ever tell me that again,

I have your fat old ass locked up.

Try to pinch tough bitches in jail.’

When beautiful Keisha five years old

she still go to Sidewalks Theatre’s

theatre and circus arts workshops

and Nancy makes her a lion. LOL.

After, Nancy asks shy Keisha:

‘Are you as smart as your mama?’

She nod yes. ‘Then we’ll try to come back

as long as we’re welcome here,

because it’s important to us

to teach your children someday.

***

Voter’s Rights

It’s difficult to get up,

wash, dress, go out

to my polling station.

I wait on line a long time.

I’m very achy.

When I reach the registration desk

the volunteer is older than me,

but he’s cheerful, efficient, helpful.

I go to the fill-in stand

and review the ballot,

only judges for reelection

with no opposition.

As long as these judges

get even one vote

they will be reelected,

another example

of democracy in action.

***

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Setu, July 2025