Duane Vorhees
Duane Vorhees

My mind wrestled itself, pinned 'tween Law and Gospel, Vision and Division. And pondered my place within the world -- a time to remember? to dismember?

And then I heard, inside, Jehovah: "Wisdom is your recognition that midgets and giants are members of one family . And the pierced are the parents of the whole. Thus saith Allah the LORD."

(A disputatious bluejay argues over the head of the wheelchaired woman.)

And then I heard from inside, Allah: "The dark and the light, the female and the male, the hallowed and the damned -- and the wide and varied spectra between -- all inhabit the same castle hovels, eat identical fruits and breads, all fill their mutual lungs with the same necessary air. They live only to die alike. Thus saith Buddha the LORD."

(A frolicsome collie is crushed beneath the wheels of the speeding Mercury.)

And then from inside I heard Buddha: "Siblings are the sinister and sincere. The thankless are inseparable from the sanctified. The unhurt and the maimed share one body after all, hidden by illusions of skin and gender, atlas and caste. Thus saith Krishna the LORD."

(A gynandromorphic monarch flutters to the patient finger of the eager child.)

And then from within came Krishna: "The ancient one was an infant once, just as the babe shall once day age. Nights belong to insomniacs and narcolepts alike, and the sun is owned in equal measure by the famous and the nameless. Thus saith Ra the LORD."

(A jet fighter scratches its vapor fingernails against the cloudless sky.)

And then I announced to myself:
Mankind is a patchwork of the alienated and the integrated.
Of the squandered and the saved.
Of the vicious and pacific.
Of the sane and the imbecile.
Of ensultaned and enslaved...
And Heaven the shared possession of our various souls, demarcated by our own social lines and by the lines in our minds.
Thus saith I.

(Ants parade across the yard's Formica table.)

And I stretched and left the porch.

A New Study in Scarlet
Never had I seen Lastrade in such a state – “2 & 8” as he would have said. A manic mathematician he was, indeed, as he strode into our flat at 221B, looking very much a slice of whitecake a-splotch with pink icing. Though perhaps still short of the elephant’s trunk level of Brahms and Liszt, he obviously had been drinking. I trust that he came seeking Holmes’ assistance whilst not on duty; on all other occasions of our acquaintance he was the best of the professionals. As for Holmes, he was at first unusually loquacious. “Inspector, you know of course my Boswell and associate, Dr. John Watson, late of the Royal Army Medical Corps in Afghanistan?” he said, adding, “Regrettably, I have no others in the world that I would honor with the sobriquet ‘friend,’ but I am unreservedly pleased to bestow the title on this gentleman. He is the wisest and kindest and bravest human being I have ever known.” If I blushed at the accolades, Lastrade would not have noticed, as he launched immediately into his expedition of entreaty. What followed was “three weeks in jail,” a sorrowful tale of blood and ‘orror in Whitechapel into which he interspersed at-the-time-incomprehensible references to Alan Whickers and Arthur Nelly – Holmes later informed me he meant knickers and bellies – and their unspeakable acts in such exotic locales as Bristol City, Berkshire Hunt, and the Khyber Pass – I shall let you navigate these places on your own terms.  Weeks of shocking lemon limes (crimes, that is) had made spotted dick even the most hardened bottles and stoppers, among whose esteemed ranks Lastrade was pleased to count himself, and he admitted shamefacedly that they hadn’t a Scooby (that is, they were clueless) as to the perpetrator. To make matters worse, the bent had begun mocking them in the linen drapers, even going so far as tto sign himself cheekily “the Ripper.” A slew of slags had been found, brown bread for sure but not yet taters in the mould (dead but warm still), slit from tits to clit but certainly not “ripped,” mind you, but rather sliced precisely and neat-like, like feet (plates of meat) in the Savoy kitchen. He gave me pause when he related that the reins had been carefully removed and eaten; it only later dawned on me that he referred to the kidney area, the loins. Throughout the breathless account Holmes sat stoic, as inscrutable as Mr. Babbage’s calculator, minutely tracking the recitation, my reactions, the movement of the peripatetic fly through the stuffy room… until Lastrade’s machine rattled to a stop. Like a ferret in a trap, the inspector made his final plea, “Them’s the brass tacks. ‘Ow ‘bout it, Guvnor? Will you show us the way then?” A long, uncomfortable silence ensued, broken by a query by Holmes, followed by Lastrade extracting a notebook from his pocket and reciting a schedule of dates and times, after which  Lastrade shifted and twitched through another period of preternatural quiet. Holmes spoke at last, “So far as I’m concerned, Inspector, this time, for me, the game is definitely not afoot. I give you my apologies but also my assurances that no similar occurrences shall transpire in future.” After Lastrade’s embarrassed, befuddled departure, Holmes responded to my own quizzical look, “It took an effort on my part to weigh the duties of justice against the obligations of loyalty, but I finally decided that I could balance them both. It has been an exhausting evening, and I strongly suggest you to retire…. Jack.” As he concluded his remark, I knew then that my entire situation had forever changed.

No comments :

Post a Comment

We welcome your comments related to the article and the topic being discussed. We expect the comments to be courteous, and respectful of the author and other commenters. Setu reserves the right to moderate, remove or reject comments that contain foul language, insult, hatred, personal information or indicate bad intention. The views expressed in comments reflect those of the commenter, not the official views of the Setu editorial board. प्रकाशित रचना से सम्बंधित शालीन सम्वाद का स्वागत है।